Wondering about fellow people with Asperger’s or autism in polyamorous relationships. I’ve tried them a few times, but I always seem to get so overwhelmed; while I get equally overwhelmed when dating one person exclusively whom I see often, I feel like I crumble under the weight of more than one intimate relationship a lot more frequently. Still, I’ve heard there are some success stories, and, though I’m not planning on trying polyamory again any time soon, I’d like to hear about them. People can just shoot me an ask or something, I guess.

9:10 pm - Sun, May 15, 2011: 2 notes

Q: Wondering about fellow people with Asperger's or autism in polyamorous relationships. I've tried them a few times, but I always seem to get so overwhelmed; while I get equally overwhelmed when dating one person exclusively whom I see often, I feel like I crumble under the weight of more than one intimate relationship a lot more frequently. Still, I've heard there are some success stories, and, though I'm not planning on trying polyamory again any time soon, I'd like to hear about them. People can just shoot me an ask or something, I guess.

ante-gamisou-deactivated2013031

Since I don’t really have any advice to offer here (and nor does Evan or Mairead as far as I know), I’ll just signal boost this, I suppose.

— Eric

Okay, I wrote this in response before I’d been recruited as co-mod:

I haven’t really had this problem; once I’m to the point of being in a relationship with someone I’m generally pretty much comfortable around them so most of my social difficulties go away.

Anyway, I do have some experience with polyamory and currently am doing just fine with two relationships. But, like I said, it’s not really that difficult for me to be social around close friends so like… it hasn’t been a serious problem for me.

I would also note that you can have relationships with varying level of contact between people. So like… if lots of interaction overwhelms you and you have more than one relationship, you can have less interaction than might be expected socially; because like… spending all your time around multiple people when you’re overwhelmed by social interaction is probably not something that’s helpful. As long as you’re clear on your expectations it can work fine. (Because like, if you have to be isolated because socialization is overwhelming you and your partners expect you to be around more, that can be a problem—but I would think open communication and compromise would be the solution there, not forcing yourself into painful situations just because you’re expected to do so.)

And I’ve also, it should be noted, had most of my relationships online; which for me works significantly better than speaking for some kinds of communication. So you may be able to figure out ways to socialize that are less overwhelming than actually being physically together, as well.

I hope that’s somewhat helpful?

—Emily

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thenameoftheworms said: I haven’t really had this problem; once I’m to the point of being in a relationship with someone I’m generally pretty much comfortable around them so most of my social difficulties go away.
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